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I don’t even want to do anything anymore. I just want to get away from all this. I just want to end this all.

Dear you,

 I wrote you a letter apologizing for not being a better friend and now when I read it I feel bad for myself because I actually thought you were my friend. But now I know you not because friends don’t call each other fat, make fun of each other seriously, or ignore each other when the other day they were jumping on a trampoline drinking Slurpees. And now that your out of my life I don’t miss you at all I just wonder why I didn’t do it before. But you don’t have the right the talk about me behind my back now.

Fuckyou

xo

me

You don’t know anything.

You don’t know what I’ve been through so don’t pretend like you do. And you are not more mature then me just because you’re older. You’re one of the most immature people I’ve met. Yes we all know lots of things can be related back to sexual things that doesn’t mean you have to point it out. And seriously shut up about how quite I am at school. I’m quite because I hate half the kids. And the whole never calling me thing isn’t really good for our all ready failing friendship. I don’t need you, I have other friends. I’m strong enough now that I don’t need to be as close to you anymore. So if you only want to be friends with me when all the other people aren’t around then fuck you and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. I don’t need people like that in my life when I’m finally putting the pieces back together. So as much as I care about and love you, please just try to be a better friend.

I’m starting to think

That my friends only like me when I’m not depressed and self-loathing. But that is when I need them the most. When I’m sick and sad and close to ending this shit. But they’re never there. I give them the shirt of my back and they do nothing to help me when I need them. I need better friends.

Untitled

I wasn’t raised in a religious household. We went to church every Christmas Eve and Easter. There have been a few times when my mom had tried to get us to go every Sunday but they never lasted long. But she seemed so disappointed when I told her I didn’t believe in God. I don’t know why. She made me go to church on Christmas Eve and I hated her a little bit because I don’t believe so why should I go? But she let me just sit there and not say anything back and mouth Brand New and Fall Out Boy lyrics instead of the singing the songs. I’ve never really appreciated my mom as much as I did that night.

What do you most love about yourself?

paralysis:

pie0:

I want to hear the one physical feature that people really love about themself. We all have one (or two or three).

My eyes for me. They change colours after a nap based on my mood.

Usually it’s blue when I am in a compassionate, caring or loving mood.
Sometimes brown, green or red (not sure when yet)
Grey when I’m stoned or drunk.

My lips

Alive

Sometimes I will sit here and just feel my heart beat to remind my self that I’m still alive that my heart is still fucking beating. And no matter what you do you can’t stop me. I will continue to live.

You are not better then me

Just because you’re straight edge doesn’t me your better then me. You joke that you’ll always be my DD but it hurts. It’s like you assume that I’m going to get piss ass drunk all the time. And about the purity rings. You act like it’s bad thing I want to have sex. I’m not going to go off and have sex all the time. I do have control and dignity. And the whole thing about you thinking I couldn’t get one because I don’t believe in God? I could get one if I wanted to but I don’t. You seem to think so much less of me lately. Ever since I told you about the therapy. Well fuck you. I’m sorry I can’t deal with my problems myself and that sometimes my thoughts got a little to dark for my liking. You are not better then me. So stop acting like it.

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